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| RICHARD, GUESS WHO?'s DOE-EYED EERIE UNCLE, brings you BUNTY's FOLLIES Hi, I'm Richard. You might remember me as the plaintive loner from "Guess Who?". The forbidding uncle character, with the kissy kissy lips and the welcoming eyebrows. Well, I'm an enormous fan of girl's comics. I find that a fluid knowledge of issues that affect little girls gives you a greater chance of enticing them into your mobile library, where you can subject them to the questionable learning value of Meg & Mog books. I also work in a sweetshop, and enjoy giving people change - I let my fingers drag along the customer's palm as I purse my lips and wink. On this page, I will be looking at the classic Picture Story Library For Girls, Bunty, and its history over the last 80,000 years.

TERRY'S SPECIAL GANG, No. 427. Here, Terry returns from his travels around the world, having learned that foreigners are weird, and eat dogs. | TERRY'S SPECIAL GANG The story of Terry Nutkins, a troubled teenager who goes on to found the British Nationalist Party after discovering that he can blame crime on black people and poverty on the money-grabbing jews. Terry's favourite joke was that black people ate "Coon Flakes" for breakfast, and that "coondensation" ran down black people's windows. Other coon words he enjoyed were "Coonadian" (Black Canadian), "Dean R Coontz" (Black Horror Writer), and Cocoon (Black Man With A Stutter). Terry later bucked the Nazi trend by not coming out as a homosexual with a uniform fetish, and not renouncing his fascist past, remaining a dedicated hater of men until his demise at the hands of a spearchucker at a bus stop.

THE "DIFFICULT ERA OF TOLERANCE" After World War II, when it suddenly became "wrong" to pursue ethnic cleansing and rigorous genocide, Bunty decided to change its name to Cunty, a bold move that let the people of Britain know that they were not slaves to fashionable thought. You see, 'Cunt' is possibly the rudest word in the world, referring to the lady's 'front bottom', or 'snatch'. Ladies use their snatches for weeing out of, in the same way that men use their willies. Willy, strangely, is not a very rude word - some people are even called Willy! Men can put their willies up the cunt, which sex boffins call 'porking', and can lead to ladies dropping babies out of their cunts, unless the bloke withdraws his willy at the last moment, contriving to ejaculate over the ladies tummy, where it will dry unless the lady wipes it off with a hanky. Ladies will often go to some length to wipe the deposit off their tummy, even struggling from under their snoring gentleman partner's body to reach the hanky, or sponge. The magazine was cancelled after three issues, after it was realised that no copies had actually been produced, and it didn't even exist. | Cunty, No.1. This series was discontinued after three issues. The second and third issues, titled "I Know Why The Gollywog Burns" and "Bananas For Leroy", met with outrage from civil rights groups.

RACISM IS WRONG
It is this writer's belief that racism is wrong - because if I am racist, then I can't really blame someone from another race for being racist, and that would mean that they wouldn't like me, and I am really nice. And if I am nice, surely other people can be nice too, even if they are funny colours. So if you see a black person today (he doesn't have to be black, some foreigners are white, which gets very confusing when you're making a special effort to be nice to them) then run up to them, say "it's really nice you're in this country, I hope you're enjoying it here", and then ask them to give you five. They will probably give you a couple of pounds, so happy this will make them. But don't expect a smile, because showing teeth is a sign of aggression, and if you show yours they might put you in a pot and eat you.

Some people will tell you that racism takes many forms, and this includes judging one culture by the standards of another - for instance, the French eat snails, dogs, and horses, which are cute, and go "whinny", but that's not wrong - it's just the french way of going about things. But that gets a bit complicated, so it's best not to bother about it. Basically, everythings OK, unless it's drug dealing, or touching the kids, which even white people shouldn't do.

Apology : Some confusion may have been caused by the assertion that snails are cute, and that dogs go whinny. Here is a convenient table that should clear up any confusion.
| HORSES | DOGS | SNAILS
FRENCH EAT THEM | true | true | true
THEY ARE CUTE | true | true | false
THEY GO WHINNY | true | false | false
THEY INVENT THINGS | false | false | false

COMING SOON : THE SOUNDS THAT DYING PEOPLE MAKE
presented by the Girl Who Married A Demon And Ate The Galaxy