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REJECTED CLEO-CONCEPTS

CHILDREN'S BOOK WHERE'S CLEOPATRA? J.K. Rowling, the writer of the Harry Potter books, was so unimpressed when she saw this outline for a new children's book, that she folded it in four and sent it to John Birt, in reasonable confidence that he would wipe his arse with it.
| Howdy there, can you see Yonah? She's obscured by a giant boner.
| Usually, Zainam's hard to miss - Unless she's drowning in a lake of piss!
| Cleo, though is in no fear; in her top hat you'll never see her!
| However, this time, she's the fool; The hat's on top - and full - of human stools!

ADULT-ORIENTATED CLEOPATRA THE TITS OF CLEOPATRA This idea was sent to Gerard Damiano, who made the super film "Deep Throat". He was having lunch with John Birt at the time, and they thought the idea was so bad that they folded the idea into a paper aeroplane and aimed it at each others' arses.

| The Wet Adventures of the Cleopatra Band This idea doesn't even stand up as a parody of a rejected script, but should have remained what it was, an uninspired doodle on a train. However, when it was sent to John Birt, he loved it so much that he popped it up his arse. It turns out that John Birt puts most non-barbed things he receives up his arse! However, when this show was budgeted, it would have cost about £70, which we all agreed was far too much.

So, as you can see, the name Cleopatra isn't just a licence to make any old shit!