Cake Baking is a dying art. Let's all bemoan cake-making. Let us beat our heads and wail that the last of the grand cake-baking generation are getting too old, broken and lazy to keep feeding us delicious treats.

I will bemoan no longer; it is Easter. Let cake-baking be ressurected!

First of all, let me say that I now know why cake-baking is a dying art. That's because cake baking involves spending hours in a fucking kitchen, steadily covering everything you own in sweetened grease. At the end of it all, you pull a hot little abortion out of the inferno and when everyone puts it in their mouths, they don't say;

"Oh my GOD I can't see any more and I don't care because my new favourite sense is taste now I have tasted this super-ace cake."

Instead, they say;

"It's very sweet."

Is that anything to say to a man who has been up to his wrists in flour and placentae for the last hour? No; when judging the cakes of a man who has clearly drunk two bottles of red wine, you should gush.

To that end, here is the Top Five Compliments To Pay A Fat Drunken Gay Who Is Feeding You Cake.

- Like George Clooney, this cake wears Police sunglasses.
- What's that beautiful singing? Oh, it's this cake, in my mouth.
- The only thing better than this cake is a conceptual infinity populated entirely by this cake and my tongue.
- They should create a third human gender for this cake, so everyone can fuck it.
- CAKE HOT LIKE BOOTY.

Just so's you know.

Posted by log at April 13, 2004 04:30 PM