Hi. I'm Daniel Anus. Some stories of self-debasement don't warrant a long conversation, but that doesn't mean that they're unworthy of sharing. Take, for example, this story from Andy, who lives in Prague. "I once did the bad act while paralytic in a nightclub. I only know because my mates took photos of me with my trousers around my ankles on the floor of my room. From the evidence it was clear that I had made a pathetic lunge for my bed on returning, but my leg wear had tripped me up and I had slept where I lay, shitty-arsed, in a kind of superman pose." Thanks, Andy! He goes on to add... "I also once urinated on my friend's head after a night out with squaddies in Darwin, but that's a different story." Indeed it is - and not one that I'm interested in, unless you were pissing on a little lump of poo! Poo is my favourite! That's why this little story from Jez made me so happy! "I once managed to spoil 4 different pairs of pants in just one afternoon. My friend had an indoor swimming pool and she had invited myself and all the other sixth formers to a pool party. I had recently been ill, but was feeling up to going to a party, so I set off. I thought I could take a short cut by walking up Church Hill instead of going the long way round to her house. Halfway up the hill, the strain of the climb made me follow through on a fart. I thought.."oops". Turned round and went home to change. I repeated this exercise 3 more times, each time wearing a different pair of white tanga briefs with blue piping. On one occasion I spoiled my new white levis too. In teh end i gave up and went home." Thanks, Jeremy! The crazy fashions of yesteryear - always better with a healthy wet cackstripe! Here's another little tale - this one from some stupid prick called Log, who's pretending not to be writing this himself! He's pretending to be me, Daniel Anus! What a deluded little man! "As a child, and to a lesser extent today, I used to get pleasure from holding in my stools, and holding them in for as long as possible before the pain set in. The feeling was somewhat like a madam tickling your sphincter with a feather. My preferred method was to kneel down with my arms wrapped around a footstool, or pouffe. During one such session, I remember being surprised by something, and a tiny marble sized ball of poo slipped out into my knickers. When I stood up to check, it rolled out and went under my bed. I obviously didn't try to get it out, that would mean touching a poo with my hands. Additionally, I thought it might deter monsters. To the best of my knowledge, it is still there, 20 years later." Boy oh boy, you're a sick man! Let the poo come rolling out! I have never constricted my anus in my life, and no harm or misfortune has come to me... I even have my own web page! So, readers - don't be discouraged if your story is only a little one. Send it to me, Daniel Anus! Daniel Anus cannot afford his own email address. You may send your stories to log@ disappointment.com.