# Welcome To Lipstick Earth!

Hello, duck. This is the underground cavern of the Earth Lipstick. To be honest with you, I'm sick to the back teeth of these fucking lipsticks now. So I'll make this short. OK? On the side of the lipstick are inscribed the letters "LU".

And here are some throwaway facts about earth, the planet Earth, and "Earthy" senses of humour.

- Eartha Kitt has a gravelly voice. The irony didn't escape her doctor when she got gallstones! Kitt also rhymes with "grit".
- Earth is the fourth planet from the sun. The first is Mercury, the second is Venus, and the third is Cagney. On the planet Cagney, women are not allowed to wear clothes. Clothes wear them!
- Who wants to be an Earthworm? I do! Earthworms have all that muck going through them all the time, right? Well, their nob's got to be in there somewhere, hasn't it? So just moving would be like having a wank! They're wanking 24/7, the dirty bastards! I reckon it's worth getting pecked to death by herons for that alone...
- Ladybirds don't call themselves Ladybirds. They consider themselves to be quite hard, with names like "Steed", "Basher" and "Jack The Hat". Oh, I forgot to make that one about Earth. Sorry.
- Finally, Earth is the planet on which we all live, and I wrote this song to help everyone just get along. It runs to the tune of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport".

  Fundamentalist Moslem,
  Fundamentalist Jew,
  Can't you see you're just like him?
  Don't you know he's like you?

  I have all the lipsticks | Regrettably, I am not fully equipped, lipstick-wise