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If you have visited Basil Brush's Domain Of Pain, then you may well be aware of the "Bert is Evil" pages. Yes, I am jealous, that they have excellently doctored graphics and predated me by considerable time. I am simply not the first person to have chosen a children's favourite to personify all that is evil. But, I think that I am part of a smaller group who have taken a renowned and feared figure of evil and used her in conjunction with a B52's track to create.....
EVIL EDNA'S LOVE SHACK

Evil Edna's Top Ten Heart-Warming Moments

1. When a mommy pig with eight nipples gives birth to nine piglets, the smallest piglet is savagely kicked from the teat. The farmer's wife brings the piggy to her bosom. With the goodness of human nippy juice, the piglet turns into the son that the wife thought she could never have.
2. A penguin carrying home a fish for his children spots a birthmark on the fish that matches his own. Realising that they are brothers, they do not need food, and instead feed on the goodness that is love. The baby penguins become strong and healthy, and grow up to become Presidents.
3. An atheist sees God in a burning bush. Dragging him to safety, the atheist is given the greatest gift of all.... faith.
4. On a picnic, an anthill is knocked over by an old man. The ants agree not to press charges if the family give their queen a sugary bun. They become firm friends and the family come back every year to see the ant queen.
5. Dewdrops falling upwards into a tornado are sprayed into the Ghobi desert. Where they land, an oasis forms. Drinking from the oasis, a vulture turns into a dove, making a Sheikh cry.
6. An old man who has never laughed in his whole life sees a confused dog walk into a patio window. He laughs so much that he dies, which is how he would have wanted it. The dog doesn't mind the pain all that much, because he gave the greatest gift of all.... laughter.
7. A child is subjected to caesium radiation and develops powers of telekinesis. He uses these powers to save move worms from the dangerous playground to the comparative safety of the grass. He is visited by the Earthworm god, who passes the boy through his digestive tract, giving him an IQ of 200.
8. One summer, the ant queen from number 4 disappears. The family are frantic, and follow a trail of cryptic clues to a disused pyramid. Evading ancient traps and bamboo-based obfuscations, the family find the ant queen. Rather than gorging herself on her annual bun, she has been keeping the buns to make statues of the family who showed her kindness. They all eat together.
9. A racist Texan man sees a unicorn and realises that everyone is the same inside. To atone for his past life, he opens a shop that only lets black people in. One day, he falls into a river, and finds out that he himself is black, but was painted white by his mother so as to give him a better start in life. This revelation makes him give £12 to charity.
10. A cat nibbles on an electrical flex and is paralysed from the torso backwards. The electrical flex feels very sorry for the cat, and offers to carry it around everywhere. A local circus owner spots the cat and the flex, and offer them a job. The cat says no, because he is shy, but the flex tells him that he is a lovely cat, and that if the audience laugh at him, then they are not his real friends. Reluctantly, the cat agrees, but is struck blind by God for his greed. The flex, having learned his lesson, takes a course and teaches Japanese businessmen to swear in English.

I wrote this page in accordance with the rules of karma. I must not be a force of badness in my current life, I must not be a force of badness in my current life. I must stroke cats and have sex with fertile women.