Pablo Minolta is not just a name, but a sensation. In just three years, he has moved from a house in a row of other houses to international stardom, and a house that is nowhere near any other houses at all. Pablo puts it best himself; "I am fantastically well off. I am so rich that shops and goods now seem like vulgar nonsenses. Why pay a little bit of money to own the title to a chattel? When you have as money as I have, you can buy the very essence." Of course, Pablo wasn't always so rich. As a teenager, he had to resort to cheap drugs, because he didn't have enough money, and didn't know anyone with enough money that he could steal. . "Acid was a very cheap drug. I would recommend acid to poor people. I now use an extreme form of acid that comes out of pipettes, and is delivered quickly into the eye. It is much better but costs five hundred pounds for a hit that lasts only thirty minutes. Rich people get very different drugs to poor people. We get expensive drugs that have beneficial effects on the body, like a heightened sense of style, a good business head, and the ability to make cool adverts." . Pablo's first glimmer of fame (and notoriety) was when he was on a week-long cheap heroin binge. "I am beginning to regret this! It is difficult when the first time people see your face is when you are so far gone that you would not recognise your own mother. Or if you did recognise her, you would see her in terms of judgment and retribution, and a steep dive into paranoia would follow." The footage of Pablo dancing in a nightclub is now an archive classic. Pablo seems preoccupied with being the only dancer on a particular podium. In retrospect, Pablo admits that the scene resembles nothing more than the classic fantasy picture of the barbarian hacking his way to the top of a mountain of corpses. Indeed, many died that night. One topless girl, whose nipples were covered with a cross of gaffer tape, remembers the scene. "He was completely feral. At first I thought I'd try and stop him, but when I saw his eyes, I knew he had murder in his heart." Pablo was arrested, but police could not stop him dancing for two hours. "I kept asking them if they could feel it," laughs Minolta. "'Can you feel it?' I said, again and again. 'Can you feel it?' I was off my tits!" . It's an image that Pablo has had to work hard to shake off, in order to find his way into Children's Television. But with the commissioning of his kiddy quiz show - "Who's Your Daddy?" - Pablo hopes to put his past behind him. "Sure, I still take drugs. And how! But the difference is that I am taking them now, they are not taking me. When the drugs start taking you, you have gone too far." Pablo is often a difficult person to understand. .
Pablo hasn't danced since - he will not even join in at parties, and he says that loud banging music gives him a headache. "All the notes bounce around in my ears, and it eventually makes my head hurt. Then my vision becomes misty and red, and I do not feel that I am in control of my actions. It is in this state, I have learned, that I am most prone to really killing people, so I avoid the loud banging music. This reduces the death count and my consequent prison sentences." . Which brings me to the burning question. While in prison, Pablo Minolta became a Moslem, studied for a degree in Microbiology, and spent six hours a day in the gym developing the highly toned body we see today. Does he feel that prison has been a positive influence on his life? And if so, should we all go to prison for a bit? . |
"Well, the Moslem thing was to stop the buggery. For some reason, people do not want to bugger Moslems. The time spent in the gym was to make the ladies want me. I am quite aware that ladies are repelled by my violent streak, so I make them want me by being ripped and buff. Luckily I have a magnificent cock - it is great to wank off, and I like nothing more than big wanks into the sink." . And the microbiology? . "Oh, nothing. It's not like I'm planning to poison the country's water supply with an impotence virus so that I am the only fertile man, is it? I may be many things, but I am not a melodramatic supervillain. Aha. Haha. Ha." .
"Who's Your Daddy?" starts on Nickelodeon on Tuesday, July 25th.