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Scene Four
Boxhead

So. Here we is,

            [In the kitchen, Susan accidentally knocks the acid over the food and a tea towel.
            She mops it up with the rag, dabs her forehead with it, and takes the food into the
            lounge]

            [Keith is leafing through the RSVPs]

    Susan   I've made some little sausages.

    Keith   Chipolatas?

    Susan   No, I really have.

    Keith   Susan, if you were a man, I'd kick your face in for that. Anyway, they've all
            accepted our invitation. Except ... Peter Kane.

            [now show Peter Kane, standing behind the counter]

            He works in the 24 hour Spar shop on Sundays, so he sends his deepest apologies.

            [We enter the shop on Peter's first day. He is being briefed by his boss]

    Boss    So, Peter, here's your name badge. We use barcodes here. We do. We really, really, do.
            We have a lot of trouble with shoplifters, drunks, and gangs, but I've got faith in
            you, you've got smiling eyes. [quickly, not wanting to be heard] And of course you
            already know about Boxhead.

            [starts to run to the door]

    Peter   Yes.. no, did you just say Boxhead? What's Boxhead?

    Boss    [stopping] Oh. 25 years ago, a child fell down our delivery chute, and his head became
            lodged in a box of vitamin pills and Peperamis. Feeding on the contents, he grew to
            full adulthood, and still lives in the shop. Some say that he kills the shop staff.
            [laughing] And we do have an unusually high mortality rate here, it's true!

    Peter   Right.

    Boss    [cheerfully] Well, I'm off to the bank. I'm making my presence felt with the lady
            cashiers. They love me. They just don't know it yet.

    Peter   [nervously] Erm... don't be long.

    Boss    Too late. I've already been gone for two hours.

            [he fades away, with "two hours" echoing]

            [Peter looks nervously around. He looks outside, and behind him Boxhead rises from
            between aisles. The current face is threatening. Back to the Christian lounge]

    Bobo    Do you want that we should see to him, boss?

    Keith   [sinisterly nibbling a little sausage] No, boys. Once the majority have been converted,
            the mob will kill the unbeliever.

    Bubba   Right, boss.

Sadly, Peter Kane dies before the end of the programme. He is found, choked to death with thirty Peperamis down his throat. The official coroner's verdict is accidental death through trying to eat too many Peperamis at once. But it turns out that the coroner is merely protecting Boxhead through guilt.... as 25 years ago, he lost his son down a Spar Shop delivery chute, and never saw him again.
No, that's not actually anything to do with the episode, but it is a ripping yarn, no?

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