Read On Welcome to The Giraffe Giraffes have long been used by sailors to see above high walls, so that they can watch football matches without buying a ticket. Through a complicated process, light enters the eyes of the giraffe, bounces around inside it's tummy making a sound like a big bass drum, then explodes out of its arse in an apocalypse of information. This information has to be captured quickly and covered in sand, before it can be distilled into the newspapers that you read every day. This is the result. Sailors also put Giraffes in their trousers to absorb the impact of a spanking from teacher.