Her Wicked 'Do The Queen Mother's hairdo is a wispy shambles. Should she ever take off her hat in the presence of a camp man (who only pretends to be camp so that girls will throw their arms around him), that camp man would say "I know you're the Queen Mother, love, but that hairdo has to go!" Then he would clamp his hands to the side of his face and squeal, like the boy Culkin having a shave in Home Alone. What that camp man, or the boy Culkin wouldn't know, however, is that her hair is actually candy floss, which she chews at on long train journeys to prevent the more primal appetites from kicking in. The Queen Mum is not above speaking erotic french to entice the train's guard into the toilets - seconds later his skeleton is thrown from the window.