with thanks to Raz | Evolution's Gaffes No 1 THE HORRIFIED monkey The gestation period of the Horrified Monkey is less than a second; no sooner has the male withdrawn from the female, a baby hoofs it right out of the womb. The very first sight that welcomes a Horrified Monkey into the world is it's own father's cum face. While they are eating their dinner, Horrified Monkeys often accidentally change channels to a programme about plastic surgery, and have to put their fork slowly back on the plate as they see a fat woman's face getting sliced off. Sadly, these animals emit a confusing pheromone, which causes elderly female relatives to drop to their backs, and roughly slide a dated finger into their frigpits. These poor pensioners are as horrified by their own actions as their grandchildren are to see it. When Horrified Monkeys developed the power of speech, the very first thing they said was "my Lord", followed quickly by "oh, fuck that".
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