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A free T-shirt would be bitchin', wouldn't it! Well, that's what I'm about to give you, with several very important provisions. You print it onto T-shirt transfer paper, which costs £25,000 for six sheets, and iron it yourself onto a £3 blank white T-shirt, which will fall apart as soon as it sees water. As for me, I get nothing - just the assurance that companies that produce over-priced shiny paper and flimsy casual wear are kept afloat in this uncertain century. My own commitment to making pages that include some graphics remains unaffected by this offer.
| Bedwetting [order code 1A33] This fine piece, as featured in the Joey Deacon section, contains the four main players in the Deacon story. The four boys who later went on to form a successful chain of newsagents, but blew it all on funding illegal pigfights in rural Derbyshire. Josie Rogers did this picture as part of the Doctor Deacon extravaganza - I thank her. [Full size]
| Cleopatra's History of the Entire World [2B94] This terrible piece of nonsense comes from my initial attempt to get something into Select magazine. I wanted to write a little baffler, that would sit arrogantly and unquestioned in the corner of a page. It was, however, "too much". I have to confess, it is a little bit shit - and now you can wear it all over your chest or back. Should you ever want to. Ever. Since then, however, Select have used my DiploMacy idea... coo! [Full size]
| Spacecow Dilemma [55PQ] What's happening here? After two years of discussion, it was eventually decided that Black, who wore raked shoes to adhere to the notoriously oily back of the Spacecow, was lording it over Purple, who had the lesser job of biting out matted clumps of Spacebull spunk. Meanwhile, a snail follows, curious at the brouhaha. Add your own caption options; "While You're Down There..." 50p "Don't Talk With Your Mouth Full" £2.50 "That snail looks like Mo Mowlam" £5.95
| A Childish Geology Of The Earth [9Q9Q] Crust, Core, Mantle - they all sound a bit rude, don't they? Just a bit... so let's cut the tits and get down to it. Stop hiding behind pseudo-rude science and start putting bad swear words over educational pictures. Notice the logo, also - wicked! I've really found my font. I am dead happy.
By wearing these T-Shirts, you are increasing your chances of meeting other people who have been to this website, who will look despairingly at you and ask you questions you will probably find it very difficult to answer. I get it all the time!