intro | cast | one
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SCENE 12 : PAULINE AND RUPERT GO TO THE STRIP CLUB
Pauline | These men are right spunky, aren't they, Rupert? I could quite misbehave!
Owner | Are you a boy? There's no boys allowed.
Pauline | Quickly, hide, it's the mad-eyed owner, and he operates a strict "women only" policy! If he finds boys in the club, he hits them with a bag of marbles. It's a less severe form of the "pool ball in a sock" classic. It doesn't really hurt.
Rupert | Still, I don't want to make a scene. I'll hide under your dress.
Pauline | Promise you won't nibble anything while you're down there!
Rupert | I ain't promising nothing!
Owner | Where did he go?
Pauline | [giggling] Where did who go, Officer?
Owner | There was a boy in my club, watching the big burly dancing men. It just doesn't make sense.
Pauline | You must be mistaken, or on drugs that have addled your mind. If you say one more thing I shall telephone the mayor and have you arrested.
| [A chomping sound begins to rise from Pauline's dress]
Owner | What's that sound? It sounds like cunnilingus!
Pauline | No it doesn't. Cunnilingus has a less resonant tone, and frequent slurping.
Owner | Yes, you are right. It sounds more like chucking a sponge down a gulley. If that were cunnilingus, the woman would have to a fanny bigger than a row of terraced houses!
Pauline | How dare you, sir! I'll have you know there's enough tension in my flaps to snap a pencil. And if you take out my lungs there is enough surface area to cover a tennis court, although that is true of everyone.
Owner | Useful gifts. I have changed my mind about you, lady. You're all right. Would you like to touch the dancers on their cocks?
Pauline | Why, yes, I would. Thank you very much.
| [They walk over to the dancers, Pauline walks awkwardly.]
Owner | Here, Phil. This lady wants to touch your cock. Get it out for her.
Dancer 1 | OK boss. Whoops! I've slipped in some baby oil, and my cock's heading straight for her ear!
Pauline | Cripes! It's stuck fast! I can only hear in mono now. So this is what it was like in the sixties.
Owner | You two other dancers - offer her your cocks as purchase so that she can pull herself to her feet!
Dancers 2 and 3 | Righty ho.
Pauline | Oh, dear. This puddle of baby oil is causing me to slip as well, so my attempt to pull myself up with these two men's cocks is failing. But I will keep pulling at their cocks in an effort to correct myself.
Dancers 2 and 3 | You'll manage it in the end, dear.
Dancer 4 | Now she's half-way up, I could try and support her by putting my cock up her arse.
Dave | [entering with a badminton racket] Wait a minute, this doesn't look like the leisure centre... Hang on, is that you, Pauline?
Pauline | This isn't what it looks like, Dave!
| [her dress flies off to reveal Rupert, who pauses his activity to give Dave a thumbs-up as Dancers 2 and 3 ejaculate onto her breasts]
Pauline | Wait, Dave!
Owner | [to Rupert] Are you a boy?
The dancing men are the stunningly bodied Phil Anderson, who also manages to be a sound bloke. Fucker. << LAST | One | Two | Three | Four | NEXT >>