Her Internet-Enabled Hat The Queen Mother always wears a hat, and her hats always have a veil. These veils go some way to concealing her fearsome features, but they also have a more important function; they put the internet in front of the QM. The intersections flicker at 250Hz, creating a high resolution head-up display, where she is constantly updated about the weather, and whether she is hungry or not. There is also a risk assessment module, which tells her which people with knives are going to attack her, and which people with knives are simply trying to make her dinner. The hat is equipped with a powerful magnet, that can suck guns out of hands, and reverse bullets that are speeding towards her head. It also sucks ball-bearings up her bottom, but the Queen Mother refuses to take the ball bearings out of her knickers, claiming that they act as a lubricant.