I've got a couple of pets. And, like my pet dog Joe, I can send them flying over landscapes to kill any creature I have clicked on with my mouse. One of my pets is superb - he's a brute of a creature. I may have already mentioned him - he's my anger manifestation. When I tell him to kill something, he screams "BLOOD!" When I leave an area without him, he waits by the exit. When I return, he says "Welcome back, master!" And he runs off occasionally to have a quick snout around. A proud and loyal beast, my anger manifestation. I call him Gunnell. He is my weapon and my friend. My other pet, however, is a total gay. When I tell him to kill something, he says "I'll do my best to kill it, master!" Excuse me? Did I say do your best? Did I say "be a love and have a pop at killing that monster over there, would you?" This isn't some remedial maths class, where wrong is redefined as "on the way to right". Since when did attempted murder kill anything? I'm being attacked by a Diseased Rollerrat, my friend! I require prompt and lethal action from my pets! I call him Sally, and whereas Gunnell waits patiently for me when I am away, I can only imagine Sally will fly around in stupid little circles, pestering Gunnell with constant questions about my whereabouts. S : Where is he? Where's he gone? G : Our master shall return. S : Is he in here? Oh, no - that's a plant pot. Is he in here? Oh, no - that's the same plant pot. Do you think he'll bring back something to play with? I'm hungry. Oh, boy! Here he is! He's coming back! Oh boy oh boy! I'm going to hide and surprise him! Ow! I bumped my nose on the wall! Bugner : I've got a new pair of hot-pants. Do you like them? Progress report : I have discovered that Sally is a distracting sphere, and it is his job to confuse and distract the enemy. Which seems about right. Ruddy great big gay ball floating and whimpering around my damn neck. I hate him.